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The older I get, the heller the no

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Overstimulated and underfucked

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High maintenance, low tolerance

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Small waist, big opinions

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Your red flags match my outfit

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Better late than basic

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Pretty girls need direct deposits

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If you’re reading this, buy me a drink

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My love language is not replying

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Sorry for what I said when I was sober

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Fuck nudes. Send me your saved memes.

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I fake orgasms, not personalities

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My exes are still recovering

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Dodging red flags is my cardio

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Raised on sarcasm and instant noodles

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Exhausted by people who aren’t tired

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